Managing Back to School Anxiety
It’s back to school time and many children and youth will feel nervous and anxious. This is normal and very common. Sometimes there is crying, clinging and temper tantrums in young children while teenagers can become mood, irritable, angry and tearful. These worries can be related to many things that your child might not be articulating including:
- Will my friends be in my class?
- Will I look ok in my clothes? Is my hair ok? Will people laugh at my pimples?
- Will I look stupid?
- Will my teacher be kind?
- What if some subjects are too hard for me?
- Could something bad happen to my family while I am at school?
While a child or youth might resist going back to school by claiming tummy aches, clinging and downright refusing to go, it is crucial to have your child attend school. Otherwise, we send the child the message that school is something to be afraid of and to avoid. It basically gives their anxiety power. As parents and caregivers, we need so support children and youth to navigate the return to school in a supportive and consistent way.
8 ways to support your child:
- Begin with setting the stage. A few weeks before the start of school, gradually return your child to the school day schedule. For example, if your child has been going to bed at 11PM and getting up at 10AM during the summer, roll the clock back by 15 – 30 minutes every day. You may need to ask everyone else in the home to follow the same pattern so that your child is supported.
- For younger children, visit the playground at the school a few times before the first day of school. This helps the child associate the school with a fun place to be. Try and invite their friends so they can all share in this experience.
- If your child is starting a new school, take a tour of the school before the first day. Often school administrative staff are onsite a week early and they are more than happy to assist with this.
- Ask your child to help choose their clothes for the first few days. If you have a teenager, try and avoid being too restrictive in their choices; youth can be hypersensitive to how they think others view them. They need some autonomy in this area, within reason.
- Make sure your child or teenager has a good breakfast, snacks and lunch. Try and include their favourite and familiar items.
- Provide empathy and listen to their concerns. If your child is silent on what is worrying them, just ask them. “I can see you are a bit worried about starting school. Tell me what you are worried about so we can talk about it.” Do not dismiss their worries as that will shut them down. Instead, acknowledge how they are feeling and offer gentle reassurance. It can be helpful to remind them that all their classmates and friends are also nervous at this time of year.
- Problem solve with your child. Once you know what is worrying them, help them think of ways they can handle a situation should it come up. This gives you the opportunity to coach your child on how to cope with both real and imagined situations.
- Pay attention to your own behaviour; children pick up on our verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, when saying goodbye to your young child, be cheerful and say goodbye once. Keep it light and positive. Above all, do not allow your child to skip school because they are nervous as this will make the problem worse.
Still want more information? You could visit Anxiety Canada for more help.
At Waypoint Counselling, we know that parenting does come with both joys and challenges. Reach out to us if you want to talk to a counsellor with expertise in parenting and/or in counselling children and youth. We are here to help.
